Home » Calling and Election Made Sure » How You Received Your Calling and Election Made Sure » HUMBLED (RECIEVING MY CALLING AND ELECTION)
| HUMBLED [message #3570] |
Sun, 28 May 2017 03:37  |
blackapache
Messages: 4
Registered: May 2017
Location: Australia
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Junior Member |
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Calling and Election
Well I was debating writing this as I've just come across this forum but the Spirit was quite clear that I should so here goes. It was actually someone doing what I'm doing now that saw me relieve my Calling and Election Made Sure so it seems only fair that I can hopefully do the same for someone else.
To be fair I had no idea what Calling and Election even were before it happened... sounds crazy I know but hear me out.
I guess I should start with a little about myself I think that the knowledge that I'm just a regular guy is the most valuable thing I can give anyone who's striving to have this blessing, it seems to me that it's as much about being ready to hear it as it is being worthy to hear it.
I was born into the church to 2 hippie parents who became converts. I had every teaching given to me, attended to every ordinance and requirement of the Aaronic Priesthood, temple trips you name it, the Patriarch was a family friend, parents served as Presidents of quorums... it didn't matter. I stopped being active in the church in my teenage years, actually the entire youth group from my generation were lost to the world and it's vices, some were completely wiped out, the very few that remained became stalwarts, branch presidents, quorum presidents etc etc.
I had about 12 years away from the gospel, I struggled with every sin we have. I was a firefighter when I met my wife, we married and my life disintergrated. I had drug and alchohol addictions and a host of problems. I wanted Gods indifference, I wanted him to leave me alone. I wised up at age 27 when I came back to church at the urging of my non member wife and a very intelligent sheep dog who would escape our yard and turn up at the local Mormon church till someone rang me to collect him, I didn't even know the church was there.
Something happened though, I had seen so much darkness that when the light finally came through my window I really embraced it. I mean I REALLY embraced it. I love my Father and Brother, I love the Holy Ghost. That is my defining characteristic. My love for them. It's unquenchable, unstoppable, undeterred by anything this world has. Ive told people so many times that I'm Job. No matter what happens I'll never question my God, never murmur against him. Even if I struggled my whole life and didn't make it, even if I'd done everything I could I would still be greatful for whatever he saw fit to give me. Gods judgements are just and who can argue.
My Patriarchal blessing talks about it being a personal thing to walk and talk with the Saviour and it is for me. My prayers are informal, not out of disrespect but out of love. I struggle with "thee and thou" I use you and your, but my respect and devotion is to the fullness of my capacity. I pray constantly, everywhere... in bed, on my knees, in the toilet, while someone else is praying... I talk to him like I talk to my own father, I'm compelled to express my love to him multiple times each day my prayers often start and finish informally or aren't structured.. What I'm trying to tell you I guess is that I feel it's my personal relationship and devotion to him that has seen this happen. He knows my heart.
I'm currently the EQ Pres though this matters little, I have had a hard time this last 12 years since coming back. My tests have at time been Abrahamic, I have thought at times I would lose everything by following his council. I have 3 children with Autism, I have Aspergers and ADHD, my wife has bipolar. I grew up with a mother and brother who were bipolar and a sister with Schitzophrenia. I guess you could say I have a bit on my plate at times. My family was awesome growing up and we are still close now, they're my best friends. I guess I tell you all this so that you know that there are no disqualifiers to keep you from the call. I anticipate that my tests will still at times be Abrahamic, but I look forward to being purified even more so that I can show my Lord my devotion to him and my absolute decision to obey him at all costs and hazards.
So how did it happen? Well it was weird. I had been feeling the spirit a lot this afternoon in question, now I feel the spirit a LOT, but I work hard for that. Anyways on this day it wasn't testifying of truth as usual but just resting on me. I left my work around the house and took my boys to the park so my wife could get out to her appointments with as little drama as possible.
Once I got there the spirit became almost consuming, just overwhelmingly heavy on me. Ever have a particularly spiritual weekend and then feel super tired afterwards? Like that but so heavy that the fatigue was almost instant, but it just didn't stop. Normally a strong impression might consume me for 10-20 seconds and then fade to a nice background feeling but this was hair standing on end non stop stuff. I was sitting there watching my boys play musing on the scene wondering what was happening, usually it means something's about to happen. My bishop will call and I'm rushing to the ICU to give someone in a coma a blessing That happened 3 or 4 times last year as we have a major hospital in our boundary) or something equally dramatic - but nothing happened. I just sat there enjoying the feeling and pondering
I opened my phone to make sure I had no missed calls and checked my email. I was deleting them without reading them when I felt compelled to open one from the ldsavow website. I opened it and it was a story about someone using the alias "joshua" who had made his calling and election sure, I still didn't know what it meant but I know that feeling of the spirit. No one could have those feelings I experienced and wonder what they were. As I read his story the feelings got stronger and stronger to where I almost couldn't bear it. I had to stop reading at times to give my body a chance to brace its self then go again.
At the time I knew it was strange but exhilarating but I honestly thought Father was just really trying to point me at this so I was aware of it, like giving me direction - something he wanted me to aim for. But the feeling just didn't stop. It stayed with me all night, even in my sleep I was aware of it. I said to my wife that something was happening but I wasn't sure what. The few times I woke in the night I could still feel it. When I woke the next day it was still there.. it would be in the background really strong then all of a sudden it would just increase till the tears would well up in my eyes.
(Now I'm not a cryer.. I'm a big guy, an outdoors kinda guy but I get tears in my eyes every time I think of how much I love my heavenly family and how hard my heart aches at not seeing them these last 37 years) So anyways this went on for three days. I was completely exhausted, my normal 7 hours sleep a night became two 13hr nights of consecutive sleep, a personal record. The spirit was just that strong. I got up the next day and felt like I should call the stake Patriarch for some reason. I tried and couldn't get hold of him. I spent hours sitting in my car in the shopping centre car park wondering what to do, the problem was that the Spirit was so strong I had no way to discern impressions from the Lord about what to do.. in hindsight I think he just wanted me to sit and ponder. Which I did.
I started to search out Calling and Election that day and read accounts of what it meant. I still assumed it was something I was meant to aim for. I spoke about it with my wife who was a little concerned with my strange behaviour, and then we went to sleep. Or she did. I still couldn't budge the overwhelming feeling of the spirit, and I needed answers. I couldn't even say the words Calling and Election without being overcome by emotion and until Father mentioned it I'd never even heard of it. It was like some secret doctorine to me.
I read of someone's account encouraging people to ask, if it had happened, if it hadn't then ask how to make it happen, I figured I could do this.. He had after all led me here so He must have a reason. I was instantly afraid, ironic to be afraid of being denied something I had only just learned existed I know, but I was... I realised how desperately I hear. To please him and receive his approval for my efforts, I'm not someone who seeks public praise at all, I find it uncomfortable to be honest, but I do seek his praise.
I love him, words can't express how much I love him. I could write it again and again in every way the human language can express it and it's not sufficient. When I administer a blessing and the words that "your Heavenly Father loves you" come to my mind, they come with an absolute assurance and a magnitude of information and feelings that the simple phrase just doesn't convey.. this is how I love him, because this is how he loves me, and you too, I promise you that.
Anyways I got on my knees and expressed my love for him, how I didn't seek a knowledge of assuredness before him, I just wanted his love, to be worthy to run to him and fall in his arms when I saw him next. To hug my Brother and Father is without a doubt my hearts deepest desire. Ive never wanted anything in this earth as much as I desire this thing. I also want to make sure that when I get the chance I'm don't squander it with guilt and a knowledge of unworthiness. This is my driving force in my life. I expressed my absolute promise that I will obey his voice, do his will and seek his love no matter the cost. I professed that even after doing all I could that if I was found unworthy to be with him I would still sing his praises in my heart with every breath I took. Then I timidly asked him if he would tell me what I needed to do to make my Calling and Election sure... the spirit was still strong but there was no answer... I waited then timidly asked him if I had actually already made my Calling and Election sure maybe? I got a spiritual whack in the face... it was a resounding yes but almost a yes of relief... like the spirit saying "FINALLY! It's about time buddy! Don't you realise Ive got other places to be?" It was that kind of a yes.
Me? Well I was dumbfounded. I was lost for words which doesn't happen often.. I don't even remember finishing my prayer... it was kind of like "um ... thanks" then I got into bed in shock.
When I woke I still felt the spirit strongly but also bewilderment and confusion. I'd just been awarded something I didn't know I was supposed to be aiming for. I was sitting on the toilet of all places ( I receive a lot of revelation there, when you have 3 kids in 3 years there aren't many quiet places in your home) and I started to question myself - something I never do. I started to rationalise. I started to ask myself did that really happen or did I imagine it. Why would the lord tell me this? I hadn't asked for it, hadn't likely deserved it either. Then the voice of absolute wisdom came to me and without praising myself I started to evaluate myself trying to see myself the way He sees me.
I had spent the last 2 years in a very focused state of daily betterment. I had studied hard to walk and talk with the Saviour daily, to understand his personality. I had undergone 10 years of serious, at times humbling at times humiliating at times soul destroying trials and I had not wavered in my love for him or my desire to see it through. My trials had only strengthened my resolve and my absolute need to be near him. Now I hadn't always done well in my tests but I had always been humble and always quick to apologise and repent. I had always made sure my council and my deeds were what He would want from me, that my council and deeds and words would turn people to him. I had prayed hard and studied hard to be able to ask him to purify me and to develop my spiritual gifts. I had asked him to do whatever was necessary to help me be ready to do those things that my Patriarchal blessing says I will do as we welcome the Saviour back to the earth. I had served eagerly, I had been putting myself last to serve those around me, I had given up on my hobbies because I was so busy serving. I went from surfing every day of my life, a hard core surfer then not surfing for 1.5 years. I didn't feel robbed, I didn't need it anymore. He had Changed my needs to meet his because I had given him permission to. My joy was full because of that refining process not despite it. He had taught me the secret of life and I had clung to it because it made me feel so good. I had learned the value of charity and service. More than that, I wanted that same joy for everyone around me, I wanted them to feel good too. I had made my mind up every day and in every prayer to him that I would obey whenever he spoke, that every time he revealed his will I would do whatever I could to see it through. Then I realised that's why I had this experience.
This has only happened in the last month so I'm still coming to terms with it, but everything is different now. The scriptures have a deeper meaning, I realised that we understand only what we can when we read the scriptures, in the same way "I love you "carries more weight when it comes from the Lord so to do his words come alive for me now. The simplest scripture contains so much more information than it ever did. Sacrament meeting holds more for me. Taking the sacrament has become a humbling experience. I have asked the Lord to let me see those who have had the same gift that I might learn and grow even more.
The biggest thing that has happened to aid me in this is we had a member of the General Authority visit our Stake and teach us at our Priesthood Leadership conference meeting. He taught me the idea of repentance in a new light. Repentance is the crux of the Gospel, it's a "gospel of repentance" when we repent for the big things the Holy Ghost can teach us the big things. But when we consistently come before him in humility and ask Lord show us our weaknesses that we may have him remove them and that he might then more fully instruct us and guide us so we can obey him and be taught to do his will, well that is when the magic happens. When we take the gospel of repentance to the next level the Saviour takes our teaching to the next level. It has been without a doubt the most important thing I've ever learned and every day started in this way has been the most spiritual I've experienced. I'm getting amazing and absolute answers to every prayer offered, Ive learnt to trust and wait and be patient. Ive learnt to be sure in his love.
I have not had Father and Brother visit me as yet and lay their hands on me as some others have. I hope that this will happen and I strive to prepare to make the veil thinner by degrees each day.
Most importantly though I write this because I'm just a normal guy like you with my own challenges and desires to overcome. I know that He loves us both equally. I KNOW that if I can receive my Calling and Election then you can too. I urge you to place yourself before him and if it is your desire to ask him to purify you till you are ready. If it is truly the deepest desire of your heart, and if your on this forum then there's a good chance it is, then he can help you reach that goal.
I love you all.
AS THY DAYS MAY DEMAND SO THY SUCCOR SHALL BE
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