Home » Angels, Demons, Miracles and the like... » Dreams and Visions » A Blessing of Grace (Rest on the Highway of Trials)
| A Blessing of Grace [message #2046] |
Mon, 21 January 2013 01:08  |
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brrgilbert
Messages: 282
Registered: December 2012
Location: Nampa, Idaho
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Senior Member |
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In the last area of my mission, after having been thrown in jail; escorted to the border and kicked out of the country, - in the midst of my first and separate Abrahamic like test, I had a dream.
In my dream I found myself in a bright spacious area with white, granite-like floors. In the distance, elevated on a step / platform about 50 feet in front of me, I beheld a man in white robes. He was bearded and had long, light blondish-red hair. I immediately recognized Him. As I did so, His arms that were straight at His side were raised and opened toward me. I recognized the wounds in His hands and did not see His wrists due to the length of the sleeves of His robe. I was drawn closer to Him, not by my own power or locomotion, but rather by floating. As I approached, I saw His beautiful blue eyes and noticed a smile appear on His face. His countenance was beautiful and He was glorious. As I approached, the unexpected happened. I became Him. (This remained a puzzle to me until later in my life, and I shall explain it further, shortly.) I immediately found myself "falling" from that scene of serenity and beauty to one where I was surrounded by progressively dark images and scenes of worldliness. The last of which was so dark and peculiar that it forever stuck in my memory, as did the glorious scene of beholding my Savior. I awoke upon seeing the stark contrast between what it was like to be in His presence versus the decadent darkness to which I fell. I exited my bed quickly and planted myself on my knees to plead with the Lord to forgive me for having had such dark thoughts and experiencing the negative things after having been in His Son's presence. I was grateful for the first part of the dream and penitent for what had transpired thereafter. I kept the "puzzle" of the experience on the back burner in the recesses of my mind, pondering what it meant and wondering what had happened and why. I did recount to some, like my father, as to seeing the Savior in a dream and commented on how surprised I was by the color of His hair. Never had I shared the parts about becoming one with Him or falling and beholding the worldly, decadent contrasts that ensued, until I married my wife; until I gained understanding as to the meaning of the whole experience . . . which I shall now share.
After my wife and I were married, at the age of about 40 years of age, I was diagnosed with a mental illness. Realization of it occurred after I had received an ear operation on my left ear that didn't turn out too well. The gas anesthesia was applied too liberally and left my body "out-gassing," through my skin, its smell for about a month. It was during this time that I became extremely depressed and darkness set in. We sought various avenues to discover what was wrong, including an MRI to determine if I had brain damage due to the anesthesia. That result was negative and everything appeared "normal" (Whatever that means.) The resulting decision was to seek counseling to determine what the cause of the depression was. I was prescribed the anti-depressant, Zoloft to bring me out of my depression. (I want to say that it was 500 mg. tablets, but it may have been 300 mg., I don't recall.) Anyway, I came out of my depression, alright, the problem was that I kept going . . . into mania. Yes, I was diagnosed as being BIPOLAR or Manic Depressive. I was confused, couldn't work, and ended up in a mental hospital. It was there that I thought about the dream that I had on my mission. In my confused state, I started questioning in my mind if I was Jesus Christ. I fought the very thought, but the impressions were so great that I revealed to my wife and counselor about my dream experience and my thinking. (In a manic episode, I have found that my perceptions are altered and I end up trying to resolve paradoxes . . . the dream that had puzzled me became such a paradox . . . the thought of becoming / being Jesus Christ.) The counselor and psychiatrist informed my wife that they wondered if I would ever be normal again; that I might never realized who I was and would remain confused. (My dear wife is literally a Saint and I dearly love and worship her . . . she is the one that I rely on to keep me "straight.") After two weeks in the hospital and due to a very unique experience with a "doctor" who came to see me - whose real identity I still question in my mind, I came to realize who I really was. The pharmaceuticals were prescribed and a semblance of "balance" was attained.
The part about becoming one with the Savior, I feel I now understand. It has spiritual, as well as physical significance and was a "prophetic" display of what would happen in my future (from my mission) experience.
Now for the dark, worldly events that transpired in that dream. It was before and after we realized that I was BIPOLAR that I participated in some worldly and decadent behaviors for which I am not proud but from which I have confessed, repented and received forgiveness. The darkest and concluding scene, I witnessed with my own eyes. When I saw that event in real life, I recognized it as being the concluding one in that marvelous, revealing dream that I have explained. It brought me to the realization that Heavenly Father and the Savior had included with that wonderful experience a prophetic preview of my life, knowing beforehand about what would transpire, herein. I have repented. I have a saint for a wife and I am blessed by a wonderful Father in Heaven who has compassion and mercy upon His children. He has told me that I am one. I have heard the pronouncement. Those days of decadence are behind me. I look forward to the time when I can feel the wounds in my Saviors hands and feet, that I may touch and bear witness of His resurrected body . . . here in the flesh.
"I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies."
The Little Prince by St. Exupery
[Updated on: Mon, 21 January 2013 01:11] Report message to a moderator |
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| Re: A Blessing of Grace [message #2057 is a reply to message #2046] |
Tue, 22 January 2013 10:55  |
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rdwhitaker
Messages: 118
Registered: December 2012
Location: Vancouver, Washington
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Senior Member |
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Your mission experience sounds like what happened to some of our missionaries in Spain! The rest of your visions and understandings --- it reminds me of the scripture, "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Corin. 2:9
Ryan
Don't . . . Quit . . . Trying!!
[Updated on: Tue, 22 January 2013 11:05] Report message to a moderator |
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| Re: A Blessing of Grace [message #3797 is a reply to message #3652] |
Sat, 14 December 2019 11:04 |
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brrgilbert
Messages: 282
Registered: December 2012
Location: Nampa, Idaho
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Senior Member |
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I just reviewed this account and wanted to include, to the best of my recollection, the event that transpired in the Hospital when I was still in a manic episode - the thing that brought me back from the brink.
I was instructed that I needed a medical examination and I was told to go into an adjoining room where I would obtain such. I entered, there - and it was an examination room. I was alone. Shortly, a younger, dark-haired man came in and introduced himself. He told me to disrobe, which I immediately did without hesitancy. I dropped my pajama bottoms onto the floor and took off my one piece garments and let them fall onto them. I am surprised, now, because I was not ashamed or hesitant in obeying his instructions. He, then, asked me to put my attire back on without any further or closer examination.
He, next, produced an otoscope type of device, and I don't recall if he looked in my ears, first or not, before proceeding to do the thing that brought me back to coherence. With this device, he looked into my eyes. I saw a red "laser type" light and I don't believe that it was an L.E.D. light on the device because it produced more of a profound penetration and radiation into my eye. I remember the change that came over me as I saw that light. It brought me to a more focused awareness. It was as if my fractured consciousness was recomposed and made whole, again. I remember looking at the Doctor?? or whoever he was and wondering how he could posses such capability. It was a very strange thing that happened, bringing me back to focus and whole awareness. As quickly as he had appeared from around the corner, he left. I was left to wonder and still do, if I had been visited by someone very special, such as John the Beloved or ???. He may have introduced himself as John??? It was a restoration from that which was surreal to reality.
When I returned from that room in which there had been just him and I, I was asked if I had received my examination. It was more than that. I thought that I should include this in the record.
"I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies."
The Little Prince by St. Exupery
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