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Home » The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints » General Conference & Devotional Discussion » Overcoming abuse through the atonement (Need Help)
Re: Overcoming abuse through the atonement [message #1123 is a reply to message #1121] Tue, 18 September 2012 17:56 Go to previous messageGo to previous message
Dragon is currently offline  Dragon
Messages: 499
Registered: June 2010
Location: Earth
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Ashleyd,
Thank you for the reply. I will admit, from what you have said about what you experienced, our situations are very different, but they both were created by a traumatic past. What I read in your post tells me you wish you could forget all the abuse, and act the way someone would who was never abused. It is possible to get there, but not overnight.

I have many painful memories to work through, and I need to accept what happened in each one to the point that the memory of it does not cause a panic attack or an outburst of anger, or whatever. That part of the healing isn't easy, and it isn't fast. But I'm already on the path, and I know I'll get there some day. When I do, I won't forget what happened to me, but its affect on my life will be diminished.

The other side of the coin, acting as if it never happened, requires me to study what the proper response is to a given situation. If I catch myself reacting with anger, or panicking, I know I must take a step back and analyze the situation, looking for a new response. It is SO hard to catch myself, and when I do, it is often difficult to take a step back. It's so much easier most of the time to use my physical strength to get my way. Yet I know I should not do this. So I have been studying as much as I can without children present, because I fear I will yell at them, handle them roughly, lose my temper when they refuse to obey, stuff like that. Sounds like the normal fears of a parent. Except I have a quick temper thanks to the abuse I experienced. I have a loud voice which goes right through walls. I'm taller than average, and well built, which makes me intimidating to most men, let alone a five year old child. And, as you said, I don't want to parent with fear.

As to better understanding the mistakes of my parents when I have children of my own, I will say I do not think you would suggest such a thing if I detailed what 'mistakes' my parents made for which I currently suffer. They did make plenty of 'normal' parental mistakes, and I really don't care about those anymore. The things they did for which I can never reconcile, have nothing to do with parenting, except to say they should have protected me from people who would do such things, but instead they were the perpetrators.

There are varying kinds of abuse, and varying levels of abuse. Jesus knows them all, and knows how to comfort us. He cannot change us overnight into someone who was never affected by it, but He can guide us on a path to get there. But it does take time.

- Dragon

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