Home » Angels, Demons, Miracles and the like... » Testimonies You Have Gained and How You Gained Them » How I learned that God Exists (A true story about my first real testimony...)
| How I learned that God Exists [message #574] |
Wed, 27 June 2012 17:56  |
Seeker
Messages: 244
Registered: June 2010
Location: Las Vegas
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Senior Member |
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I was 13 in an upper lower middle class area. My middle school looked and felt like a jail. I was raised in the church and my father had been a bishop 2 times. I was baptized at 8 like every good Mormon kid.
In my mind I was a good kid, but my Sunday School Teacher hated me and for some reason felt like she wasn't getting through to me. I found out later that she often cried about being a teacher and I was one of the main reasons. lol, poor gal... I knew all the answers and felt the classes were below the students, (at least below me). I answered questions with a smirk by rattling of the church accepted and approved response. I had the right answers but had the wrong attitude and very little experience.
In school, I spent a great deal of time in the counselor's office with 2 friends, one of which was the reason we were there as she wanted to kill herself.
Another friend my age was selling acid. I was a dork/geek/Mormon, and although I was popular among active/faithful Mormon kids, (all 3 of them liked me), I was not popular in our school and often was mocked or criticized by my peers. Although I was handsome, I never got the attention of the girls I liked because I was into the wrong things and too nice.
One of the Mormon girls was really having problems with her parents. She would run away, drink and date and get grounded and tell me how awful her parents were and how miserable she was....
Some of the popular kids would come to school with beer or other drinks which they would use between classes.
I was going through my various maturing processes as well. I didn't have a lot of support at home as my older brother and sister really didn't understand or like me much. I was more tolerated and criticized which lead to other mental issues I'll share at another time.
I had finally had enough!!! It seemed that the people who were doing everything wrong were the ones who were popular, had the girls, the friends, the fun and everything I wanted. (I was only 13, so my hopes and aspirations were pretty low...)
I needed to know for myself why I was doing the church thing and the obedience and goody goody stuff. I couldn't do it anymore on someone else's testimony or even command!
So on one particular day I came home angry and upset from all the stuff happening at school. I was determined to find out if God was really there and cared about me enough to tell me about it.
The way I figured it, was exactly like this:
• God was either there or he wasn't If you wasn't he wouldn't answer me and didn't exist so I could do whatever I wanted and would not worship Him.
• If God was there, then, God either had power to communicate with me in a way that I could comprehend or He didn't If He didn't, then I wouldn't get an answer because He was not powerful enough or intelligent enough to communicate with me. A God who was so pathetic was not worth worshiping, so again I could do whatever I wanted.
• If God was there, and could communicate with me in a way I could understand, but didn't care about me enough to use his power to communicate with me, then I wouldn't get an answer. If He didn't care enough about me to answer, then He doesn't care about what I do and I don't care about Him, so I would again do whatever I wanted.
So with this logic firmly in mind, I told God that he had one shot, I needed to know that He existed, and I expected an answer either way right now. No answer was also an answer. I vowed that if He responded in a way I understood, then I would server him to my dying day. But if I received no response then I would not serve him but instead would serve myself and essentially run amuck with drugs, girls and whatever else I felt like doing.
No sooner had I made the request than I was filled with a wave of love and peace which was quite contrary to the anger and upset I had been feeling only moments before. I felt like I had just gotten a BIG hug from the inside out. I was moved to tears. All I could say was, "Thank You!" which I repeated many times until the moment pasted.
I kept my promise and have been well rewarded over the years...
At the time I thought that this witness meant that God exists, the church was true the book of Mormon was true and everything was just like I heard in primary. But I have since learned otherwise. Every doctrine and principle requires a specific witness and testimony.
In this experience I learned 3 things:
• God Exists.
• He has power to communicate with me.
• He cares enough about me to respond to my sincere inquiries.
~ Seeker
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